Snapshots from the future
by dicaprio
Summary: From the beginning, John Paul and Craig were meant to be together, but were they meant to say together forever?
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1 - A bump in the road**

**Chapter 1 **

Once upon a time there were two very sweet and very handsome boys: one fair with beautiful blue eyes which became indescribably stunning when he was either very angry or very passionate, and one dark-haired with warm brown eyes which spoke volumes without a word being said.

When these two boys met it was murder – not really; when they met it was true love, pure and simple. Actually, it was friendship which quickly blossomed into a deep and enduring love. And although they tried to resist at first (particularly Craig), in the end they knew they could only ever be completely happy if they were together. So after a sunset ending which was truly fitting for a love so pure, they went off to Dublin and lived happily ever after, until...

It's 7.30am on the morning of 26 June 2011, and Craig Dean is sitting at the breakfast bar of his New York apartment drinking his first cup of coffee of the day and reading the paper, or at least trying to – he's been finding it almost impossible to focus on anything since his boyfriend John Paul walked out three days ago. It's his birthday today, and he should be very happy; his life has turned out just as he always wanted it to. After both he and JP graduated from Trinity earlier in the year, they came to New York and got jobs almost immediately (Craig at a consultancy firm and JP in advertising). They'd spent two and a half blissful years together in Dublin; and although working hard, had always found time for each other - they were a perfect fit.

As he drinks his coffee, Craig finds his mind drifting back to his last birthday in Hollyoaks. He remembers how he felt when he saw JP walk into the Hollyoaks Student Bar to join him, Sarah and Jake to celebrate, and knows his feelings are just as strong now as they were then. In fact, they are even stronger now because he's gotten to know JP so much better and their shared experiences have brought them closer together. He knows JP loves him and cares about him more than he's ever cared about anyone. He has proven his love in a so many different ways over the years; and yet during the time since they arrived in New York, Craig has felt JP gradually slipping away from him.

He cannot pinpoint the exact moment things started to go wrong - this is of course a lie, he knows it began the moment JP introduced him to Jack Geller, his new work buddy, the greatest thing since sliced bread. Even before Craig met him, he knew all about Jack, because JP never stopped talking about him. When they were at Uni, it was Craig showing JP the ropes, and everything JP talked about was stuff they had in common. But now he is in his new working environment, a place Craig has no connection with, with new friends, including Jack (Craig hates Jack soooooooooooo much). He knows it is selfish of him to be thinking this way, but it hasn't helped that JP settled in so quickly to life in New York. Craig cannot explain to JP what he is feeling because he wouldn't understand. JP is the sort of person who can walk into any room and see the people there as his equals - he is fearless.

Putting the brakes on his uncomfortable thoughts, Craig gets up, rinses his coffee cup and heads off to work.

Across town, JP has just woken, and for a second he thinks all is well in his world; but then everything comes back to him and his eyes well up, as they've done many times over the last three long days. He sees the time on the clock and realises that he's slept through the alarm again, making him late for work. He just cannot get used to waking up without Craig. In the years they've been together, it has always been Craig who wakes first in the mornings. He usually wakes JP by snuggling up close to him, and playfully nibbling on his ear or kissing his cheek whilst whispering "Hon, it's time to get up, wakey, wakey" until he is almost fully awake. Craig then drags him into the shower, where they spend a lot more time than they need to. JP smiles, remembering, but then realises he has to pull himself together as time is passing. He determinedly pushes all thoughts of Craig and their morning routine to the back of his mind and drags himself out of bed.

When he walks into the kitchen, Jack is already there. He smiles, says "Good morning," and offers him a cup of coffee.

JP remembers that Craig made the best coffee, and then mentally bashes himself about the head. "He's not dead, you fool," he mutters to himself. He hurriedly takes a few sips of the coffee and heads off to work.

As he closes the apartment door, he hears Jack calling after him, "What about my good morning kiss?"

Jack enjoys teasing JP about what happened. And even though it touches a raw nerve, he's not going to complain – being relieved that Jack is taking it all so lightly, seeing as Craig almost accidentally knocked him from JP's and Craig's sixth-storey apartment balcony that surreal night three days ago. JP has never seen him so angry, and still can't believe he went so far. Since it happened, Craig won't speak to him, take his calls or return his texts. He knows that his staying in Jack's apartment will only add to the weight of evidence against him in Craig's mind. But after Craig threw him out, Jack's spare room was his only option, and he has been so depressed since that he hasn't been able to face trying to find anywhere else. Of course, taking the step of finding a more suitable place to stay would also be an admission that this is going to be a more permanent situation, and there is no way JP can deal with that.

Meanwhile, Craig has arrived at work and is trying to get through his workload, but with little success as he keeps getting distracted by thoughts of JP. He knows that he is shortly going to be 'surprised' with a big cake, and everyone is going to the pub after work to celebrate his birthday with him, for which he should be grateful. But although he will smile and laugh through it all, he knows that only JP could make his birthday truly happy.

JP is getting on no better at work than Craig, but things are a bit easier for him as he has confided in the two guys he works closest with about their fall-out, and so does not have to walk around with a forced smile all day. He did try to phone Craig twice to wish him a happy birthday but his phone was turned off - he will try again later. It makes him even more miserable to realise that he can't be with him on his birthday of all days. When he thinks about what happened (which he often does), he can now see how Jack being a part-time DJ would have been a problem for Craig – with him and Jack having loads in common work-wise and social-wise, Craig obviously felt left out. This might all have occurred to JP sooner, but he had been so caught up in his exciting new life in New York that he'd completely missed any signs of Craig being unhappy. And to be honest, things had been so great since they left Hollyoaks that the thought never crossed his mind that Craig might suddenly start to doubt him after all this time.

* * *

Craig is grinning from ear to ear. He's lost count of how many beers he's had - every time his glass comes close to emptying someone swaps it for another - turns out he's not as good at hiding his heartache as he thought, and everyone's decided he needs cheering up. One of his colleagues, Phil, wants to cheer him up so much that he has to explain that no matter how drunk he gets, he will never be able to cheat on his beloved JP. He then proceeds to tell Phil all about JP for almost an hour before the guy manages to escape. Life is good - he doesn't give a sh*t about anyone or anything - he is Craig Dean, hotshot consultant - bring it on. In fact, by about 2.00am, he has decided that he cares so little about JP that he's going to go straight over to Mr Jack "I've met Brad Pitt twice" Geller's pad and tell the loved-up couple exactly what he thinks of them - he feels a bit dizzy, but that's no biggie. He gets into a taxi and heads off to have a showdown. When he arrives at the apartment block he cannot remember which one is Jack's, and so decides to ring every buzzer until he gets the right one - he cannot stop giggling when he thinks about the amount of trouble Jack will get into with his neighbours over this (it's quite a poncy-looking building). He rings the buzzer of the first flat three or four times and eventually hears Jack's sleepy and disgruntled voice on the other end – bummer. He tells Jack who he is, and demands to be let in. He is buzzed in without comment, and a few minutes later is banging on the apartment door, which is opened by JP - Craig raises his hand to make an angry gesture, takes a deep breath to start his rant, and promptly passes out. A surprised JP manages to catch him before he hits the floor.

After JP has settled Craig on the sofa and put a quilt over him, he goes into the kitchen to speak to Jack.

"I'm so sorry," he says sincerely. "I'm not sure what's gotten into him, although it's his birthday today so that might explain the state he's in. To be honest, he never could hold his drink."

"That boy is definitely not boring," says Jack smiling. "He loves making a dramatic entrance, doesn't he? Has he always been like this?"

JP then starts to tell Jack about Craig, going back to the first time they met. The longer he talks, the more Jack realises that it's not patience he's going to need if he's going to get anywhere with JP, it's a miracle. The love and affection in his voice when he talks about Craig are unmistakable. When Jack eventually manages to break into JP's ever more excited chatter about the wonders of Craig, he tells him that as Craig is obviously so important to him, he has to find a way to work things out. Jack doesn't mention Craig's attack on him; he knows he wouldn't have let him fall from the balcony that night. In fact, when Craig realised where they were and the danger, he immediately pulled Jack back into the apartment, and seemed as shocked himself about what he had just done as Jack was.

Shortly after, on his way back to bed, JP stops for a minute to watch Craig as he sleeps.

He is lying exactly as JP left him earlier, but with one foot sticking out from under the quilt. He's wearing a pair of JP's multi-coloured socks (all Craig's socks are either navy, black or white); but JP doesn't read anything into this until he notices that Craig is also wearing his watch instead of Craig's own, and the ring he gave JP the previous Christmas: because they knew it would be their last Christmas in Ireland, JP and Craig had bought each other identical rings with a Celtic design, which would always remind them of a wonderful time - Craig is now wearing both.

JP's heart melts at these little signs that Craig is missing him.

Studying him more closely, JP notices how pale and tired he looks. He wants so badly to comfort him but knows that Craig would only push him away - somehow he has himself so completely convinced that JP cheated on him, that he can't recognise the truth when he hears it. JP now realises that it's up to him to force the issue and decide things one way or the other. As he heads off to bed, there is a determined look on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

The next morning as soon as he wakes Craig feels pain, which is made even worse by any movement of his head or attempt to open his eyes. For a moment he cannot remember what happened the night before, but it all comes rushing back when he finally manages to open one eye and finds it staring into two beautiful blue ones; although right now they are clouded with anger, and Craig knows he's for it. He sits up in order to feel a little less vulnerable, but it doesn't do much good. He tries to defend himself, but before he can say more than "John Paul ...," JP is laying into him.

"What the hell were you playing at turning up in that state in the middle of the night?" he yells. "Jack had to get up early to go into work this morning, and thanks to you he hardly had any sleep."

At the mention of Jack, Craig finds his voice, "Oh, the precious Ja ..."

But it's no good, JP is furious and not in the mood to listen to anything Craig has to say, "Don't you think you've done enough damage by almost killing him?" he accuses.

Craig again tries to get a word in, but to no avail.

"He's been so good to us since we got here," JP reminds him. "He finds us a great apartment, gets me a DJing gig, shows us the best places to go, and you repay him by trying to kill ..."

"I KNOW, I KNOW," shouts Craig, and then wishes he hadn't, as his head spins and he feels like he's going to be sick. He says a little more quietly, "I know, I shouldn't have attacked him like that, but maybe I wouldn't have had to go so far if he hadn't being making the moves on you every chance he got."

JP sits down on the edge of the couch with a sigh, and when he speaks he is obviously making an effort to remain calm. "As I tried to tell you that night," he says, "there is nothing going on between me and Jack; we're just friends. Not that it should need explaining, but the only reason he was in the apartment was because we were working on a project which had a next-day 9am deadline. It got late at the office, and he suggested we come back to our apartment, which is closer to the office than his, to order some pizza and carry on working. He would then be able to sleep in the spare room, and we could get up early the next day to do any last-minute touch-ups needed. The reason we were coming out of the spare room when you walked in was because I'd been showing him where he was going to sleep and he'd been helping me put sheets and a quilt on the bed – which, BTW!, explains why we were both looking a little flushed. In all the time we've been together, I've never given you the slightest reason to distrust me, and yet that night without a second's thought you immediately jumped to the most ridiculous conclusion."

"Do you really expect me to believe such a lame story?" says Craig in a tone of voice which makes it very clear he doesn't. You've had three days to think, surely you could have come up with something better than that? I don't know what happened before I arrived, but if I hadn't texted you to say I was on my way, god knows what I would have walked in on."

"It doesn't matter what I say, you're not going to believe me, are you?" says JP angrily. "Do you really want to give up on us after all this time over some imagined affair?"

Craig cannot respond. JP has just put into words his greatest fear over the last few days - that their relationship is ending. He stares into space for what seems like an eternity. In his mind, he is seeing his future without JP stretching out before him, and it is bleak and empty, and so lonely. Finally, he gets up and starts to walk towards the front door.

"If you walk away from me now, that's it for us," JP warns him, keeping the pressure on.

Craig feels his composure start to slip, but keeps going on legs that feel like jelly. He knows that if he doesn't leave now, he will lose it completely and end up begging JP to come back to him on any terms.

JP jumps up and quickly follows him, reaching the door just as Craig goes to open it. "Don't," he says forcefully, grabbing Craig by the shoulder.

Craig desperately pulls away and opens the door, but JP reaches past him and bangs it shut. "I said 'Don't'," he snaps.

They stand for a moment, Craig leaning against the door and JP leaning against Craig, and then JP takes a step back and slowly turns Craig towards him. "Look at me," he says quietly, and then, when Craig doesn't move, in a firmer voice, "Craig, look at me."

Craig slowly raises his head; he has tears in his eyes.

"You know you're only hurting yourself by doing this," JP says sadly.

With his thumb, he rubs away a tear which has fallen on Craig's cheek, and then gently pulls him into his arms with Craig offering little resistance.

After some time has passed Craig says in a tearful voice, "I'm not imagining it, I know he fancies you."

"It doesn't matter whether he does or not, there is nothing he can do if I'm not interested," JP says firmly.

Craig whispers, "Are you interested?"

Moving out of their embrace and taking Craig's face in his hands, JP looks him straight in the eye and says without hesitating, "No, not in this lifetime or the next." He then adds thoughtfully, "You know, you wouldn't have even considered asking me a question like that only few months ago, why are you suddenly doubting me?"

Craig says nothing at first, and then quietly, "You are so much more confident around people than I am. I felt comfortable in Dublin, almost like being at home; but these New Yorkers, they're so smooth and charming." Then after a short pause, in a slightly light-hearted tone to disguise the real fear behind his words, he adds, "I can't compete with those guys. Soon you won't need me anymore; you'll find someone, if not Jack then someone else, who is way cooler and more confident than me."

JP realises that the truth is finally coming out. With a tender smile he says gently, "You are such a goose. Do you think that when I met you that first day back in Hollyoaks High, or over the weeks and months that followed; do you really think I fell in love with you because I thought you were too cool for school? What I saw back then was this prickly, insecure guy with a radical line in knitwear - I think my favourite was the one with the snowflake design; who had no friends, and was being bullied by Sonny; a guy who was always looking for reassurance, and who cared too much about what others thought of him. The truth is, there are a million cool guys in the world, but there is only one Craig Dean. You are way better than cool, you're quirky; and I love all your quirky little ways. Just because we are in different jobs in a different city, doesn't mean anything fundamental has changed. For me, every other guy pales in comparison with you - you complete me."

"Ah, shut up, you're teasing me now," Craig says smiling weakly.

"No, seriously, you had me that first day at 'Do I know you?'," JP replies with a grin.

"I can't lose you, I couldn't cope," Craig says growing serious again.

"You won't," JP insists, "because I need you just as much as you need me." He pulls him into his arms and they stand like that for a few minutes.

"Right," JP says eventually, "I think somebody needs a shower," he laughs. "If I inhale anymore alcohol fumes, I won't know which end of me is up," he teases.

He shows Craig where the bathroom is and goes to find him some towels. When he returns, Craig is still standing where he left him. "Wakey, wakey," he laughs, as he reaches to turn on the shower and adjust the thermostat.

"If you'd let me leave," Craig murmurs.

"That was never going to happen," JP assures him.

"No matter what I ever say or do, please don't ever let me leave," Craig pleads.

"It's a deal," replies JP, giving him a quick kiss and a hug; "now get your kit off."

"Once you've left," Craig replies, suddenly all bashful.

"Are you kidding," JP asks incredulously, "I could describe your body in minute detail, better than a photograph," he laughs, but makes do with kissing him once more and closing the door behind him as he leaves.

"IT'S FREEEZING," Craig screams a few minutes later, after he's walked under the spray, not realising that JP has turned the temperature to cold.

"It'll help clear your head," JP calls out with a smirk.

About 20 minutes later, Craig walks in wrapped in JP's big fluffy bathrobe looking a little less pale and hung-over. JP hands him a cup of strong coffee and some toast. They don't speak for a few minutes, and then JP says, "Craig, will you promise me something?"

"What?" he replies warily.

"Promise me you will always talk to me if something is bothering you. I don't just mean about other guys, but if you're feeling anxious about anything. You should have told me you didn't feel as comfortable here in New York as you did in Dublin. And if Jack was bothering you so much, you should have said something rather than letting it build up to a point where you ended up completely losing it. Jack is a nice guy, but if it's a problem for you I don't have to see him outside of work - we're both earning good money now, so I can give up the DJ work."

"No-way," Craig replies firmly. "You love being a DJ, and I would never ask you to give it up." "Anyway," he adds smiling shyly, "I like being a DJ's boyfriend, and maybe I can live with Jack being around sometimes - maybe he's not all that, after all."

"Well, he's really messy around the flat," JP says teasingly, "and he has terrible taste in films. And if I hear him say the word 'awesome' one more time ..."

"Yea, and his phone has a rubbish ring tone and his hair is too long," says Craig, eagerly joining in.

They both laugh.

"And he's rubbish in bed," JP adds.

Craig is not laughing anymore.

"Too soon, I'm sorry, bad joke," says JP quietly. And then, seeing Craig's uncertain, unhappy little face, he adds, "Oh babe, I'm so sorry, come here." He pulls him into his arms (despite Craig's half-hearted struggles) for a big hug which soon turns into a long passionate kiss, which then becomes even more passionate when JP realises that Craig is wearing nothing under the bathrobe.

"I think I could get to like living in New York given a little time, although it all feels a little overwhelming right now," says Craig, much later, snuggled up in JP's arms. "When I arrived in Dublin that first year without you, I felt the same way for the first few months, but back then I hardly noticed or cared where I was."

JP gently strokes Craig's cheek, and says, "I do love you, you know."

"I love you too," says Craig, "now can we go back to our apartment, I don't like it here."

JP smiles, and goes to get his stuff.

As they walk along the street on their way back to the apartment, they pass a music store and hear the words of a song, "I can't stop this feeling I've got. I know who I am and I know what I'm not."

They both stop and Craig says, "That song ..."

"I know," JP replies, "you wouldn't have expected to hear it so far from home."

"I love that song."

"Me, too," JP agrees.

They smile at each other and carry on walking.

**End of Part 1 (Part 2 will begin in the next chapter)**


	3. Part 2  Erase and Rewind  Chapter 1

**Part 2 – Erase and rewind**

**Chapter 1**

It's New York, and it's 4am on the morning of 26 July 2014.

Unable to keep his eyes open any longer, JP lowers his head onto the side of the bed, and his grip on Craig's hand loosens slightly as he falls asleep.

About an hour later, Craig wakes. Looking around groggily, he can only make out vague shapes at first; but as his eyes slowly adjust to the shadows, he realises that he's in a bed in a hospital room. He starts to panic, but relaxes when he sees JP. He notices that JP's eyes are red from crying, and reaches out to stroke his head, instinctively offering comfort. He feels safe, knowing that everything will be okay as long as JP is with him.

After a little while, his head starts to clear, and bits and pieces begin to come back to him. He'd been in a club with JP and a couple of friends. It was getting towards the end of the night, and they were dancing up a storm (mainly because he and JP had had a few – if they'd been sober, they wouldn't have been anywhere near the dance floor). He left to go to the gents and, whilst there, was approached by this guy who'd been getting a bit friendly earlier in the night. Craig told him, less politely this time, to get lost. Then, as he was on his way back to JP, he was grabbed from behind and dragged out the nearby emergency exit. Before he was able to react, he was punched and knocked to the ground by the 'friendly' guy and another who suddenly appeared. They then proceeded to kick every part of his body they could reach as hard as they could whilst screaming abuse at him. He doesn't remember how it ended.

Before he can fully grasp what he's remembering, from nowhere Craig's thoughts jump to another traumatic experience: when Sarah discovered him with JP at their engagement party. He can still remember so clearly the horror of looking up and seeing her standing in the doorway, and then desperately chasing her down the stairs; the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach as he heard her tell the whole pub she'd found him in bed with JP – it had been the worst experience of his life before last night.

That day so long ago, JP had made the biggest decision of Craig's life for him, but Craig had been the one who'd suffered, and now he was being punished again. The whole reason he'd originally tried to keep his relationship with JP a secret was because he was so afraid of people's reactions; so afraid of something like this happening.

Craig looks down at JP once more, and this time his expression is very different. He slowly pulls his hand out of his grip.

Eventually dozing off, the next time Craig wakes it's daylight, and a very concerned-looking JP is looking down at him.

"Craig, you're awake," he cries, now all excited. "How do you feel? Do you need anything, a drink? Should I get the doctor? Do you remember what happened?" And without waiting for a reply to any of these questions, he continues breathlessly, "Oh God, I'll never, ever, forget finding you lying on the ground outside the pub; you were so still, I thought for a second … Oh I can't even … I swear, I'm never letting you out of my sight again," he concludes emotionally.

It takes a moment or two for him to realise that Craig is not answering, not responding in any way to him; that he is in fact as cold as ice. "Craig, honey?" he asks hesitantly, searching Craig's face for any sign of distress. He reaches out to touch his cheek, but Craig moves his head away.

"I want you to leave," are Craig first words; his voice is devoid of all emotion.

JP can't speak; he just stares at him in shock until Craig looks away. "I don't understand," he eventually replies.

"Get out, and don't come back," Craig says, pronouncing each word slowly and with emphasis. "Is that clear enough for you?"

"I'll go and get the doctor to come and speak to you," says JP, finally managing to shake himself out of his stupor. "He told me last night that you had no serious internal injuries, but maybe you should speak to him, maybe ..." his voice trails off uncertainly. When Craig doesn't respond, he leaves.

The doctor turns up shortly after, with JP following behind.

"You might not think it right now, but you're a very lucky man, Mr Dean," he tells Craig, with a friendly smile. "You've suffered a mild concussion from a blow to the back of the head, and a couple of bruised ribs; but apart from that, you have no other internal injuries. You're face got the worst of it," he adds, "but nothing that won't mend: the bruises will gradually heal, and you shouldn't have any permanent marks; you will regain full sight in your left eye once the swelling goes down - no lasting damage was done; we've stitched up your split lower lip, and the stitches should dissolve in roughly 7-14 days. The plan is to keep you in for 24 hours to monitor your progress because of the concussion, but you should then be able to go home. You may experience some fairly severe headaches over the next few weeks, but eventually you will be as good as new, physically. You have, however, been through a traumatic experience; and in situations like these, we recommend you speak to someone ..."

"No," Craig declines tensely.

"Okay, then," the doctor replies calmly, "but if you change your mind, just let me or one of the nurses know. Is there anything you would like to ask me?"

"No," says Craig quickly, " thank you," he adds, modifying his tone; realising that he is being a bit abrupt with someone who is only trying to help.

"Didn't I ask you to leave?" he demands, turning angrily to JP as soon as the doctor has left.

Deciding to ignore him, JP sits back down by his bed.

"If you don't get out right now, I'll call security and get you thrown out," he warns.

JP gets up without saying a word and walks out.

The following day, he arrives to collect Craig, hoping rather than believing he will get a warm reception. He hands him a change of clothes, which Craig takes without comment.

On the way home in the taxi, not a word is spoken. JP cannot understand how things could change so quickly – up until a couple of days ago, they were so in love their friends used to tease them. He fondly remembers arriving at a recent birthday party with Craig; as they walked in, someone shouted, "Hey, everybody, it's Jack and Ennis." Craig, mock-angrily told him what he could go and do to himself, and then ruined it by smiling at JP for just a second too long (they all recognised that particular smile – it was only ever for JP). There followed calls of "Kiss, kiss, kiss." Craig duly obliged by grabbing a laughing JP and dramatically leaning him back over his arm before kissing him firmly on the lips. This, of course, brought calls of "Get a room" – sometimes you just can't win.

"Hey watch where you're going, you f**king idiot," shouts the driver, bringing JP abruptly back to harsh reality. "Excuse my French, boys," he adds.

"And now, we're like polite strangers," JP thinks sadly.

Over the next few weeks they settle into a horrible routine of living together but apart. Craig has moved into the spare room, and whenever JP tries to talk to him he gets up and walks away.

One evening, a depressed JP is dragged out to the pub by some of the guys from work; and on finally getting home at around 3am, over-confident from too much alcohol, he decides to have a proper showdown with Craig; to force him to talk about what happened, about what is going on in his head, and why he's shutting him out.

Stumbling into the spare room and tripping over a chair, JP ends up falling onto the bed on top of Craig. Luckily, Craig is already awake, because JP has fallen over at least two more chairs and a laundry basket before getting as far as him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Craig cries breathlessly, completely winded by the sudden weight landing on him; not to mention the searing pain caused by this crushing weight bearing down on his damaged ribs, which brings tears to his eyes.

"I love you, love you, love you, love you," slurs JP, clumsily trying to kiss him, but ending up head-butting him instead.

"John Paul, get off," says Craig sharply, as he gently massages his head, which really didn't need to be whacked anymore than it already had been. Yet, even as he is trying to be angry, he realises that his body has other ideas and, after the initial surprise, is now enjoying the familiar weight and feel of JP's against him. He finally manages to push him onto his back, but can't help looking down at him as he lies there passed out, somehow managing to look both gorgeous and goofy at the same time. His eyes fall to the smooth, pale skin of JP's stomach where his shirt has ridden up slightly; he knows exactly how it would feel to touch - so warm and soft, so soft … His pulse quickens as he has an image of JP without any shirt, without ... his hand begins to reach out … "I need to get out of here," he thinks suddenly, pulling his hand back at the last minute. He drags his gaze back to JP's face, but it's too late; JP is awake and has seen his struggle. Their eyes lock for an endless moment, before he reaches up and slowly draws Craig towards him.

"No, John Paul …" he says huskily, just before their lips meet.

**############################**

The next morning, JP is the first to wake. When he looks down and sees Craig's head resting on his chest with his body tight against him, he is beyond joy; "I really must have talked my ass off last night," he thinks happily.

It kills him to have to carefully remove himself from Craig's embrace, but he can't miss work today. He leaves a note telling him they will talk when he gets back and that he loves him more than he can say.

Craig doesn't wake until gone eleven. Stretching out in the bed and smiling contentedly, he feels on top of the world, until he sees JP's note on the bedside table.

Staring at the words, he feels a chill spreading through him. "No, no, no way, I can't do this, can't do this," he mutters to himself, as the panic starts to build. In his mind he sees the faces of his attackers up close to his - the hatred, the vile abuse …

He jumps out of bed and rushes to the wardrobe, pulling out some clothes and jamming them into a bag. He then runs to his and JP's room, and almost pulls the drawers off the hinges searching for his passport. He gets a taxi to the airport without having decided where he's going, and is on a plane before he realises he needs to let JP know that he's leaving. Not being able to cope with speaking to him, he sends a text: "Going back to Hollyoaks. Not coming back. Don't try to contact me. I'm sorry."

Happily unaware, JP is at work, and on his way back from a meeting with a client, where his presentation went down really well. He has a spring in his step and a smile on his face. "What a great day it's been," he thinks. He knows his happiness over being back with Craig helped him come across so well with the client. Absently turning his mobile back on as he walks, he notices that there's a message from Craig and smiles in anticipation. He hasn't phoned him yet today, as he was sleeping so peacefully when he left that he didn't want to disturb him. He also doesn't want to overwhelm him with attention, knowing it's all about baby-steps for Craig right now.

In the next instant, his world is shattered. He stops walking, and slumps against the wall. This is how Jack Geller, his friend since he joined the firm, finds him.

"Hey buddy, how'd it go with Craig last night? Did you manage to get through to him?" he asks, before noticing the stricken look on JP's face. "Okay, come on, let's get out of here," he then says, quickly grabbing JP by the arm and pushing him into the nearest lift.

JP is not even aware of what's happening. One minute he's looking at the text, and the next he's sitting on a bench in the park opposite the office.

Jack takes the phone out of his hand, and reads the message. "Tell me exactly what happened," he asks.

JP tells him all he can about the previous night. He remembers getting out of the taxi, and falling over something as he was walking to the front door of the block, but after that nothing. Then it's the next morning and he's lying in bed with Craig in his arms, and it's obvious they haven't just been sleeping.

"How could he do this, Jack?" JP whispers brokenly. "How could he hurt me like this after all we've been through together?"

Jack shakes his head, not responding.

"I don't understand, I've given him space, and I've tried to be as understanding as possible. I know I messed up last night by coming home in a bit of a state, but we …, I thought we'd sorted things out. He stayed with me all night," he adds pleadingly. "He fell asleep in my arms; that must mean something?" he finishes off miserably.

"You're reading this whole thing the wrong way," Jack says gently. "There has never been any doubt that Craig still cares for you. You can't just suddenly stop having feelings for someone you've loved as much as he's loved you. Do you remember when I came to see Craig at your apartment the day after he got out of hospital? When I arrived, you were upset because you'd had argument and he'd walked out."

JP nods.

"When I saw the state you were in, I put my arms around you and gave you a hug. And whilst we were standing like that, Craig walked in."

JP nods, again.

"Well, if you'd seen the fleeting look of pure jealousy on his face when he saw us, you would have known without a doubt exactly how strong his feelings are when it comes to you. I thought we were headed for another balcony scene for a minute."

"If he still cares about me, why did he leave?"

"I think it's because he's afraid, afraid to let himself get close to you again, to be happy, in case everything suddenly gets taken away from him. He's trying to protect himself from being hurt, and this is the only way he knows how to do that. His trust has been shattered by what happened. Last night he let his guard down, and was obviously so horrified this morning that he ran as far away as possible - back to the place he probably thinks he'll feel safest, his home in Hollyoaks; back to his family.

"What should I do? Should I go after him? I'll go right now and speak to Kevin, and ask him if I can take some emergency holiday. I can catch a plane tonight," says JP all in a rush, quickly getting up off the bench.

"Na-ah, not so fast," replies Jack, pulling him back down. "Craig has just left the country to get away from you. Whether you like it or not, it's a fact. But this might be a good thing - he needs time away from all the stuff that reminds him of what happened. Being around his family might be good for him."

"So that's it, it's over?" cries JP, his eyes filling up.

"Shush, shush," says Jack gently, putting his arm around his shoulders. "Right now, you've got to take a step back. Take the rest of the day off, and go home or for a walk; do whatever you need to do to take your mind off things. I'll square it with Kevin - he wouldn't dare say anything after the great job I hear you did this morning on the super-important McDean account."

"I don't know if I can," says JP unhappily.

"Listen to me, this is not over, you guys will be back in each other's arms very soon, I promise you."

"You think?" asks JP, his expression full of hope.

"Yes, I do, now go on, get out of here; we'll talk tomorrow when you're thinking a little more clearly."

Meanwhile, Craig is sitting in his window seat, looking out but seeing nothing. For the first time in his life, he doesn't have a plan.

**############################**

Craig arrives back in Hollyoaks the next day to the surprise and delight of Frankie, Jack, Tom and Charlie. Tom is especially happy to see him - since Max died, he has come to rely a lot on Craig; and when he isn't emailing OB to tell him his problems or his good news, he's emailing Craig. He visits Craig and JP in NY every November to do his Christmas shopping, and it's the highlight of his year.

After the hugs, it's time to answer a few questions about all the cuts and bruises which, although fading, are still visible on Craig's face; but he isn't forthcoming - he tells them he got mugged and won't elaborate. When they ask about JP, he bluntly tells them they've broken up, and again won't give any more information. He then abruptly says he's tired and heads off to have a shower and get some sleep, leaving his stunned family to wonder what on earth has happened. Over the coming weeks, Craig, although generally chatty, closes up at the mere mention of JP, or if any questions are asked about why he left NY so suddenly. After the first few days, once he's settled in, he starts working part-time behind the bar in the loft (Jack and Frankie have been running the loft for the past couple of years).

To Frankie it seems like Craig is trying to turn back time, to re-live his teenage pre-JP days. He's even started to flirt with some of the girls coming into the pub; but if they show any interest, he backs off. One night, he goes out with a girl, but comes home early on his own.

Back in NY, JP is doing his best to concentrate on his job, whilst counting down the days until they can put Jack's plan to get Craig back into action. Jack thinks Craig needs a month, and JP has reluctantly agreed to wait.


	4. Part 2  Erase and Rewind  Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Twenty-eight days later, and Craig has determinedly settled back into his old routine. Deep down, he knows he's not happy, and not living his life honestly, but at least he's not afraid to leave the house. The only things he can't control are his thoughts of JP. He finds it so hard to bear being apart from him. And far from leaving him behind in NY, he soon realises he has a million memories of JP in Hollyoaks. No matter where he is, if a door opens, he looks up expecting JP to walk in. Different places and people remind him of moments in their relationship: if he happens to be in the Dog, he'll remember word for word an intense conversation they had there; walking past Hollyoaks High, he'll remember the first time they met; seeing Hannah, he immediately thinks of JP, and particularly of the first time JP told him he loved him at her 18th; and walking past the McQueen house reminds him of the first time he told JP he loved him, and then quickly added that he also loved Sarah because he was so afraid of the intense look in JP's eyes, and of what JP might do if he knew just how much power he had over him. The McQueen house also reminds him of the many times he came knocking on their door to try to apologise for something he'd done wrong - in the beginning being willing to say anything to get his hands on that beautiful body he'd become so addicted to; and eventually needing just to be with JP, and only being completely relaxed and happy when with him; and still of course the body … and the DJ in the Loft is nowhere near as good as JP.

"But all this will pass," he tells himself, "it has to."

Meanwhile (still twenty-eight days later), John Paul McQueen is pulling up in a taxi outside the McQueen house in Hollyoaks.

There is great excitement when Myra and the girls discover JP at the door, and they're momentarily even more excited when they see there is a man with him. Once they discover that Jack is _with_ JP, the interest drops instantly. By now, they've seen Craig around and know that he and JP have broken up. They are happy that JP's managed to move on so quickly, although a little surprised – they did think he would be completely in bits over the break-up. Myra and Michaela wanted to catch the first flight to NY as soon as they found out, but JP assured them as convincingly as he could that he was fine.

Once they've settled in, it's time for dinner; and Myra insists Jack taste a traditional English meal, which means fish and chips from the fish and chip shop – she says she would have cooked, but that it's more authentic to get take-out wrapped in newspaper – Jack is thrilled. Within 20 minutes, Myra is already more comfortable with him than she has ever been with Craig, JP notices.

Apart from a little barney when Michaela discovers she will be losing her room to JP and Jack, it's the perfect homecoming for the perfect couple; except that, of course, it's all a lie. JP feels bad for misleading his family, but for this to work Craig has to believe they're together; and if there is one thing JP can guarantee, it's that his mum and sisters will either blab that he has a new boyfriend to get at Craig, or that they're just mates if he and Jack don't keep up their act.

It's a simple plan, but it just might work; if anything is going to get a reaction from Craig, it's the idea of JP and Jack being a couple. When Jack first told him what he had in mind, JP was worried about lying to everyone, and especially about upsetting Craig after all he'd already been through. But Jack said that it would only be for a few days, and the alternative would be losing him completely – this was all that was needed to convince JP to go through with it.

When he asked Jack why he was willing to go to all this trouble for him, Jack explained that he'd been planning to come to London later in the year to visit friends anyway, and it had been easy to bring the trip forward. And having heard so much about Hollyoaks from JP and Craig over the years, he'd been dying to visit the place. He found it hard to believe that so much happened on a regular basis in such a small village, and couldn't wait to put faces to the names; he'd been particularly keen to meet JP's sisters, and the family who owned the Dog - JP and Craig had told him about the wife, Nicola, who was having an affair with Chance, the American body-builder who worked behind the bar; and, unbeknownst to her, Chance was also having a fling with her 18-year-old daughter Tracey; and unbeknownst to both of them, he'd made a pass at Tina's husband Stuart.

JP doesn't see what all the fuss is about; he's always assumed that it's just typical village life, but maybe it's only in English villages.

**############################**

The following afternoon, JP and Jack leave the house and walk around the village hand in hand, stopping to chat to different people they come across along the way; one of which happens to be Darren.

"Well, well, here he is," he says smirking, as soon as he sees JP. "I thought when Craig showed up you wouldn't be far behind."

"Darren," says JP reluctantly.

"Hey John Paul," he replies. "I see you've moved on," he adds, noticing Jack. "Man, you guys are everywhere you look around here; years ago it was just you and Craig, but now I could introduce you to about five or six ..."

"How is he?" asks JP, interrupting him.

"Oh, he's doing just great. He's been trying to 'straighten' himself out, actually," he says, laughing at his own cleverness. "He even managed to get himself a bird just last week; not in my league, of course, but definitely a step up from you; less chance of stubble rash."

"I suppose you've been giving him loads of grief since he returned," says JP sharply.

"Well, maybe one or two choice comments; it's hard to resist; he's so easy to ..."

Now furious, JP cuts him off. "I hear you were back in jail again recently," he says slyly, "something about getting caught with a stolen car; trying to pay off a debt. You must really like it in there to keep going back for more. If it's true what they say, I suppose you'll now be wanting a piece of this yourself," he adds sweeping his arm down his body and smiling suggestively."

"F**k you," Darren hisses, a blush creeping up his face. All bravado gone, he turns and quickly walks away.

"Wow," says Jack, "you've obviously touched a nerve there; not very good at taking it, is he?"

"No," says JP. "I really hate him. You know, it's amazing, I've travelled so far and met so many people, and yet I've never come across anyone as irritating as Darren."

"You have to admit, he's hot, though," replies Jack with a grin.

"What?" snaps JP.

"Craig?" asks Jack, wisely backtracking.

"Yea, he's his brother, step-brother, and he's always teased him horribly. He's the worst person for him to be around at the moment."

"You were a bit harsh ..."

"I don't care. I can just imagine all the hurtful things he's said to him these past few weeks. I just ..." JP finishes off emotionally.

"Easy," says Jack soothingly, "it won't be long now."

**############################**

Craig is stocking up the bar for the evening rush when he hears someone down on the street call out, "Hey John Paul, didn't know you were back?" He stops in his tracks. "Surely there couldn't be two people with that name." Rushing out to the balcony overlooking the street, he sees JP down on the pavement with two others – his heart starts pounding, and his legs threaten to fold beneath him. He wants to hide, but also to rush down and throw his arms around him. Yet even as these thoughts are running through his head, he realises who is with JP; and that they are holding hands, HOLDING HANDS! He can't breathe, he's crushed.

As if feeling his gaze, JP suddenly looks up, straight at him. Craig is frozen to the spot. Unable to control his expression, he just stares at JP with all the pain showing on his face. Breaking away from Jack, JP runs up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Before Craig can move, he is standing in front of him.

They stay like that for an eternity, staring at each other, and then JP slowly lifts his hand and gently cups Craig's cheek. "Hey," he says softly.

This jolts Craig into action "No, no, NO!" he shouts, backing away. He starts to turn, to rush back inside, but then Jack appears. He comes up behind JP and slips one arm around his waist and the other across his shoulders, and pulls him back against him.

"Everything alright here, hon?" he says, his voice dripping with affection.

"Yea, we're cool," replies JP, managing to stop himself pulling away when Jack kisses him on the cheek.

Craig's distress turns to rage in an instant, and he lunges himself at Jack. "Get your hands off him you f**king b***ard," he screams.

JP manages to grab Craig's arms before they can connect with Jack, and he pushes him back against the wall.

"Craig, don't, DON'T," he shouts when Craig keeps struggling against him. "You've no right to attack him; you ended us, you've no rights at all," he finishes coldly.

"You're going to have to make up your mind Craig," adds Jack calmly, "either you want him or you don't."

Craig stops struggling and leans against the wall, breathing heavily. "Just go," he says quietly after a minute.

Stepping back from him, JP turns around, and he and Jack leave without saying another word.

**############################**

"Good start, I'd say – he reacted just as I expected him to," reflects Jack later in the Dog over a pint.

"I'm not sure I like this anymore," responds JP. "He was so upset, and he looks so tired and drawn; and I'm sure he's lost weight," he frets.

"If we were to leave now and go back to the States without trying to get through to him, how do you think he'd look in another couple of months?" Jack asks. "Since that night, it's a safe assumption he hasn't spoken to anyone about what happened, he's had no one to comfort him, and he's pushed away the only person he would be able to confide in - being your good self. We may be hurting him now, but once he accepts that shutting you out is not the answer; that he can only be happy if he's with you; he'll be able to get his life back on track and face up to what happened, with your help."

"But he's going to hate you," replies JP worriedly.

"No he won't," Jack assures him with a grin. "We'll get on the same as we always have. Don't you realise, Craig is never going to bond completely with anyone he believes could be a threat to him when it comes to you. Over the past three years, since the bust-up when he thought we were having an affair, he's never completely trusted me. We get on fine, and he has relaxed a lot more as time has gone on; but the fact is, you're his number one and there's very little room for anyone else. If you think about it, how many close friends does he have in NY? He gets on with the guys he works with, but only up to a point. I know you've met a few, but you don't know any of them as well as he knows me. And it really doesn't bother him – they would only get in the way."

"I'm not saying that I don't like Craig," he insists. "I know he's a bit prickly, and not exactly everyone's cup of tea, but for me that makes him more interesting. And he's definitely not two-faced, you always know where you stand with him - even when he's trying to run away from you," he adds firmly on seeing JP's look of disbelief. "To be totally honest, I've grown very fond of him over the years."

"By the way, you should have warned me you were going to come up behind me and kiss me like that," says JP suspiciously.

"It had to be convincing, and I'm a method man, all the way," replies Jack, all wide-eyed innocence. "It would have been even more convincing if I'd given you a French jobbie," he adds grinning slyly; he's picked up a few English phrases since getting to know JP and Craig.

"Do you really think we'll ever get back to the relaxed, happy, fun nights out in the King's Head in the Village, life we had before?" JP asks wistfully.

"I'd bet a hell of a lot on it," says Jack confidently.

Meanwhile, back at the Loft, Craig is lying on his bed trying to take in what he's just discovered. He can't get the picture of JP being embraced by Jack out of his head. He reminds himself that his old life is over and that JP is the past, but it doesn't help in the slightest. "How could he have moved on so quickly?" he wonders incredulously. He thinks about this for a little while, and then can't help torturing himself even more. "What are they doing now?" he asks himself agitatedly. "It's about 4.00pm, so they could be in the Dog, or back at the McQueens chatting to Myra and the rest of that mad house. Myra is probably already in love with him," Craig thinks resentfully, "she never really trusted me with her precious son." He then reminds himself sadly that it only ever mattered what JP felt, no one else.

He has a worse thought: Tonight they will sleep in JP's bed, the bed he shared with him back in the day. Craig curls into a little ball of unhappiness.

Caught up in his own world, he doesn't feel the time passing, until he is jerked back to reality by his mum knocking on the door and demanding to know why he has left the bar unattended. Looking around him, he notices that it's dark outside – It's almost 8.30, he realises checking his watch.

"The bar – sh*t," he thinks, jumping up off the bed. He rushes downstairs to find a very angry Frankie waiting for him.

"How long have you been upstairs?" she demands and, without giving him time to answer, adds, "It's a miracle no-one's been at the till; they could have taken half the stock. What were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry," Craig says genuinely, "I lost track of time."

"It's okay love," says Frankie, caving immediately. She could never stay mad at Craig for long; and she knows, but does not quite understand why, that he is really suffering at the moment.

"I'll go grab a shower, get a quick bite to eat, and be back to work in an hour," he promises.


	5. Part 2 Erase and Rewind Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next day, JP and Jack are having breakfast with the McQueens when there's a knock at the door.

"What took you so long?" is Myra's only remark when she sees Craig standing on the threshold.

"Can I speak to John Paul, please?" he asks awkwardly.

"Don't give in too easily," Jack murmurs as JP gets up.

"You be careful of that one," Myra warns Jack after they've left. "I sometimes think those two are connected by an invisible band which always draws them back to each other in the end."

Jack smiles and says, "I hope so," before getting up and walking off.

"I don't get it," says Carmel.

"Do you ever get anything?" asks Mercedes, who gets hit over the back of the head by Myra for her troubles.

"Don't speak to your sister like that."

"I get my Alek, don't I babe?" replies Carmel with a loving smile to her fiancé, who smiles lovingly back at her.

**############################**

Craig and JP walk for ages without speaking, until they eventually find themselves well beyond the town and on a quiet country lane on the edge of a forest. Finally, JP stops and turns to Craig. "Well?" he asks, "what did you want to speak to me about?"

Craig says nothing.

"Craig," snaps JP impatiently, "you wanted to talk to me."

Taking a deep breath, Craig says, "I want you and Jack to leave Hollyoaks and go back to New York, or anywhere, as long as it's away from here."

"Why have you turned against me?" JP asks in a flat voice.

Craig cannot respond.

"How did you go from being my loving husband, my best friend, to not even being able to bare being in the same town as me?"

"I came to ask you to do this, and that's all I'm prepared to talk about," Craig replies firmly, before turning to walk back towards town.

"What if I won't go?" JP persists. "What if Jack and I decide to make our home here? Jack gets on really well with everyone, and mum and the girls have really taken to him."

"Why are you doing this?" Craig cries, swinging back around to face him. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I'm not doing anything to you," JP responds calmly, "Jack and I are planning our future together, and we're not sure if we want to stay in NY – Hollyoaks is just one option we've considered."

Craig doesn't reply to this latest bit of information.

"If you don't want to be with me, and you don't love me anymore, then what difference does it make where I live?" asks JP.

"Please don't do this," Craig finally begs. "If you've ever cared about me, don't do this."

"Those two guys who attacked you …"

Craig's face closes up, "I have to go."

"See you around," says JP looking studiedly unbothered.

Craig doesn't move, and after a short while says quietly, "One of them was trying to hook up with me earlier in the night. He came talking to me when you were up at the bar getting drinks, just after Matt and Chris arrived. I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested, but later he tried it on again in the gents. I promise you I didn't agree to go outside with him, I told him to leave me alone, I would never …"

"I know, of course I know," replies JP surprised, "I never thought even for a moment ..."

"As I was on my way back, he grabbed me from behind; he had his arm across my throat; I couldn't call out, and then …," he trails off, unable to continue.

"They have a game plan," says JP carefully. "They go to gay bars and clubs; the good-looking one picks up a guy, and once he's got him alone the other shows up and they beat him up – they're on some kind of sick h***phobic mission. The police have them on CCTV attacking you, and another guy at a different club.

Craig, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to change your life because of this. There are risks with every lifestyle choice."

Craig doesn't reply.

"Darren said you were with a girl last week. Are you back to your denial days again?" asks JP, his voice full of pain.

Still he doesn't speak.

"Come on, you can tell me," goads JP, now getting really angry. "Are you going to throw away the great life you've been leading, the life you were meant to lead, just to hide back here? What about your job in NY? You got a letter the other day from your boss, putting in writing the agreement you came to with him over the phone that you would delay handing in your notice for a couple of months until you were completely sure of what you wanted to do; it confirmed that they would temporarily re-allocate your work and keep your position open. I know you love that job, and yet you're going to walk away from it, walk away from everything."

Did your life with me mean so little that you can just turn your back on it without hesitating, leaving me with just a cruel text as a goodbye?

Silence.

Craig, answer me, ANSWER ME," he shouts desperately, grabbing Craig by the shirt lapels and jerking him towards him so that their foreheads are now almost touching.

Suddenly it's all too much for Craig, "I hate you," he says through gritted teeth. "I HATE YOU, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT," he shouts, angrily pushing JP away. "You outed me, you took the decision out of my hands, I never had a choice," he continues, his voice raw with emotion. "If you hadn't told me you had feelings for me, I might never have thought about it, and I wouldn't have been in that club that night to be attacked by those sickos. They were screaming at me," he cries, " in my face, horrible things; they wanted to kill me, I know it. I was so terrified, I thought I was going to be …, to be raped," he stammers, "or to die," he sobs. "I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU, I HATE YOU," he screams. "I DON'T WANT TO BE GAY ANYMORE," he finishes hoarsely, and then bursts into tears.

Trying desperately to hold back his own tears, JP goes to Craig and puts his arms around him. Hugging him tightly at first, and then loosening his grip slightly, he gently strokes his back to try to comfort him, while Craig cries his heart out. After a little while he calms down a little and pulls back so that, although JP still has his arms around him, they are standing slightly apart.

"Are you okay?" JP asks gently.

"Yea," replies Craig shakily, with an attempt at a smile.

"If it helps you to blame me, that's okay," says JP quietly, "but I have to tell you that I don't regret anything I've done. I loved you, so I told you. I wanted to be with you and I knew you wanted to be with me, so I pushed for that to happen. If I could go back to that night and protect you from those men, I would do it in a second, but I can't. All I can do is try to help you get through it, if you'll let me. Living a 'straight' life won't protect you from harm. Straight people sometimes get attacked too, you know, for all sorts of reasons. They have their own problems."

"Maybe," says Craig doubtfully.

"Honestly," says JP, "I can get stats for you," he adds gently teasing.

"I don't hate you," says Craig in a small voice.

"I know you don't," responds JP softly, leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek.

"I'm sorry ... the other stuff I said ... you pushed me ...; and about the text, I was in such a rush to get away, I wasn't thinking straight.

I know I've hurt you so much, and I don't blame you for turning to him, even if it was indecently quick," Craig adds his voice full of hurt.

"Do you mean Jack?" asks JP, with the hint of a smile in his voice.

"I hope you'll be happy together; he's definitely waited long enough to get you," replies Craig bitterly.

"What are you going to do now?" asks JP after a short silence.

"I don't know, I might go back to my job in NY eventually; I'll start again, pick up the pieces."

"And which team will you play for?"

"There are no teams left for me," replies Craig sadly. "I cannot go back to girls, because they were never really my bag anyway, just for show …; and the only guy I've ever wanted is you. I might just get a cat," he finishes with a depressed little shrug.

"When you're back in NY, maybe we could hook up?" suggests JP. "We could go for a drink sometime, as mates like we used to be."

"Will you be bringing Jack along?" asks Craig miserably.

"Not if it's in the next few weeks," replies JP, "because he won't be around; he's probably in London by now, and he won't be back in NY until the end of the month; but you can bring the cat."

"Wait, I saw him with you back at the house," says Craig, his eyes urgently scanning JP's face.

"His train was at 10.35, and it's now almost 11.05," responds JP looking at his watch, "and it takes a couple of hours to get to London, so yea, he wouldn't be there yet."

"I don't understand; why is he leaving you behind?"

"He only came here for a few days, just to see the place; his plan was always to move on to London."

Craig looks at JP for a very long time, and then says hesitantly, "John Paul, you're not with him, are you?"

His eyes are so full of hope that JP can't keep him hanging any longer. "No," he whispers, "it was just an act, he …"

Before he can say anymore, Craig is all over him showering him with kisses. "I love you," he cries happily. "You may not believe it with how I've behaved, but I really do love you so much, I've never stopped ... I love you, love you. Being apart from you these last few weeks has been the most miserable time of my life," he says all in a rush.

Then realising what he's doing, he releases JP and steps back all embarrassed. "I, um …," he says self-consciously.

"'You, um,' what?" says JP grinning. "You know, for a guy who doesn't want to be gay anymore, you're very affectionate. In fact, I've always thought that you were just about the most rubbish straight guy I'd ever met. When we get back to NY, I'm going to have to get you one of those books, 'How to be straight for dummies.'"

"Cut it out," says Craig, smiling sheepishly.

"Maybe we could go to a straight bar one night, so that you can see how other straight guys operate."

"That girl Darren told you about, I didn't do anything, I couldn't go through with it; I thought …"

"You shouldn't think so much," says JP, "it only gets you into trouble. And, by the way, first tip of trying to pick up girls: you lose the wedding ring."

"I could never take it off," says Craig touching the simple platinum band on his left hand.

"What did you tell her to explain why you're wearing it?"

"I said my wife didn't understand me," replies Craig looking down at the ground.

"Oh, man, that's terrible," says JP laughing. "What happened to the guy who had me and Sarah wrapped around his little finger all those years ago?"

"If you give me one more chance, I'll never leave you again; I'll never hurt you again," says Craig looking pleadingly at him.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" says JP softly. "I love you too much to ever let you go."

With a huge smile on his face and tears in his eyes, Craig quickly closes the gap between them. He throws his arms around JP and kisses him passionately; expressing all his joy and relief at being back where he belongs, and all the need which has built up inside him during their time apart.

"I've missed you, too," says JP breathlessly, when Craig eventually allows him to come up for air.

"Your lips are so soft; I've missed them so much," Craig whispers, brushing his thumb across JP's lower lip. "I've imagined this so many times ...," he trails off, his voice not quite steady, as he instinctively reaches forward for another taste.

"Hmm," says JP suddenly, a grin spreading across his face, as Craig blushes bright red. "How long has it been since we've done it as nature intended?"

"No way, not here, not a chance," protests Craig.

"Well, you brought it up, so to speak," responds JP with a twinkle in his eye, as he lowers his head to kiss Craig whilst at the same time backing him slowly further into the forest …

Much, much later, they emerge looking more than a little dishevelled.

"John Paul," says Craig quietly, "you know how we were in the beginning back in Hollyoaks, seeing each other in secret because I was afraid of people finding out?"

"Yea," replies JP warily.

"Well, I feel just as anxious now as I did then. I don't know if I can be as relaxed with you in public as I was before. How do you feel about that?" he asks nervously.

"I'll do whatever you need me to," replies JP reassuringly, "and I promise I won't ever walk away from you," he adds gently, realising what Craig is especially worried about. "As long as we can still live together and you don't start dating girls again, I don't care.

Of course, I must warn you, it won't be a forever thing," he adds. "We're going to move forward very slowly, and eventually you'll be able to put this behind you."

"I will, won't I?" replies Craig hopefully, hugging JP close to him.

"Yes, you will," says JP confidently.

**############################**

It's the evening of 9th December 2014, and JP and Jack are sitting in their local haunt in downtown Manhattan having a beer. Jack is busy chatting about work and his latest squeeze, Patrick, but JP is only half-listening. He is preoccupied with watching the front door – Craig was due to arrive by 6.30, but it's now 7.15. They've been back in NY for three months, and it's the first time he's agreed to go out socially, if he turns up.

When JP let slip to Jack what they were planning, he insisted on coming along. "He's got to face me sometime," was his blunt response to JP's reservations.

JP didn't mentioned to Craig that Jack would be joining them, in case he backed out, so now it's going to be a bit of a double-whammy. He nervously tugs at his shirt collar.

At 7.25, Craig walks in; he appears calm on the outside, but JP can see the nervousness in his eyes. As he approaches, he notices Jack, and hesitates for a second before continuing.

"Hi, sorry I'm late," he says, automatically reaching forward to kiss JP, but then, realising what he's doing, he starts to draw back. JP, seeing this, puts his hand on the back of his neck and gently pulls him forward for the kiss.

"Hi, babe," he replies warmly. "Look who's decided to join us," he adds breezily. When I told him I was meeting you, he insisted. Hope it's okay? It's been ages since you guys had a good gossip."

Craig just nods and says, "Sure, no problem," without looking at Jack.

"The usual?" JP asks, deciding to bite the bullet for Craig, and leave him alone with Jack whilst he goes to get him a drink.

"I'll get it," Craig responds quickly, flashing warning signals at him; but it's too late, JP is already up and walking towards the bar.

"Sit down, Craig," orders Jack, seeing that he's standing awkwardly. "It's been too long, how have you been?" he asks in a neutral voice.

Craig sits down without a word, and after a few minutes says quietly, "Thank you for helping JP when I left, and for coming to Hollyoaks with him; I know how much I owe you."

"You're very welcome, and you don't owe me a thing," replies a surprised Jack with a big smile. "To use one of your expressions, I did it because you're both a mate," he adds sincerely.

Craig looks at him for the first time and smiles. At this moment, JP returns with the drinks and is relieved to find both of them still sitting where he left them – the fact that they are smiling at each other is an unexpected bonus. "So, what are we doing later? he asks, "I really fancy an Italian."

"Well, my grandfather's Italian," says Craig, "and that's as close as you're going to get!"

"You bet," replies JP, as he leans over and kisses Craig tenderly - Craig doesn't pull away this time.

"Oh Craig," groans Jack theatrically, burying his head in his hands, "man, tell me you didn't just say that?" But JP and Craig ignore him, being too caught up in each other.

"Normal service has resumed," he then remarks, smiling contentedly.

The end.

**Thanks for reading this fic, I hope you enjoyed it. Long live McDean.**


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